Book Reviews: Category 1: Length

Did you miss the first post in this series? Click here to read it.

When judging a book, the first thing I’ll evaluate is its length. I’ll tell you if a book is too long, too short, or just right based on this question–is this book:

A roll of toilet paper or a grand piano? A book that is too long is like a roll of toilet paper; it goes on and on, but really just needs to be flushed. A book that is of appropriate length is like a piano—a thing of beauty for which any tree would proudly give its life.

Now, there is a remarkable amount of depth in these images that I might choose to explore in a book review. For instance, even prisoners on death row get toilet paper, but the quality of their TP is probably not very good. So it is with a long, poorly written book. It irritates you while you’re using it and you want to get it behind you (so to speak) as soon as possible.

Conversely, a well-written book on a weighty subject is like an eight foot concert grand made by Steinway. It is beautiful, precise, useful in the hands of a skilled person, and (unfortunately) rare.

In between these two poles of toilet paper and pianos are subtle nuances we can explore. Some books may be softly quilted and sweetly scented, but so is Northern. Both are only good enough to flush.

Likewise, a concert grand is the wrong instrument for pounding out “Heart and Soul” with your elementary school piano teacher. Don’t give me a 400 page Steinway concert grand when a 75 page Yamaha upright will do the job.

I will discuss the length of a book first because I think a book’s length is important. Many, many books are too long because the author is verbose or has an inflated sense of himself or overestimates the importance of her subject. Life is short and full of time pressure; therefore, I feel no regret at all about starting a book but not finishing it, if it is too long or poorly written. Even if the book is good in other ways, the length or brevity of it can kill its effectiveness. How many times have you started a book that captivated you for 50 or 100 or 150 pages, but then got drop dead boring after that? I’ve lost count of how many times that’s happened to me. Therefore, the first two things I’ll tell you in my book reviews are (1) how many pages the book has and (2) whether or not I think the book is the right length for its subject.